Tag Archives: life

Tempus fugit

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The little girl, walking slowly up the hill to school in the snow, observing meltwater running down the ditch.  A fairyland, a miniature river with space for fairies.  She tells herself stories all the way, imagining the lives of little people.

The old woman, walking briskly under a summer sun, observing flowers and grasses, hearing birds, seeing insects, trying to name and classify everything in this burgeoning natural world so full of wonder and mystery.

What is the difference between seven and seventy, except for decades of life, decades which seem to have leaked unnoticed through careless fingers, hours and days, months and years running down the drain of time, flowing eventually into the ocean of infinity from which they once emerged?

Universes within and without

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A sunset one evening, streamers of orange across the Western sky; another evening, soft pink blushing the clouds in East and West, and streamers glowing mauve and pink.  And I thought how very perfect this planet is, so very hospitable to burgeoning life.

Then another thought intrudes.  How narrow is our definition of life!  Of course this planet is perfect, we evolved here and know no other, we reshape it at our peril.  But what if life should be defined another way?  Not as the self-replicating activity of a certain pattern of elements but as the ability to perceive outside oneself, indeed to have a “self” with which to perceive.

What if intelligences exist which we cannot perceive?  Something  based perhaps on a different element, silicon instead of carbon?  Or with a completely different way of relating to the universe?  Perhaps even the rock at my feet, billions of years old, has an understanding and perception of its place in the universe far exceeding my fleeting carbon-based existence.

And from the infinite to the infinitesimal.  Do the bacteria whose DNA in my body vastly outnumbers the human DNA, do these beings partake of my perceptions, or do I partake of theirs, or are we together in an endless feedback loop every day gaining in knowledge and wisdom, increasing our understanding of the universe and our place in it?

Joy in the Morning

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Recipe for a life: one cup of joy dealt generously in childhood, then sparingly until it seems no more meagre drops can be shaken into the mix.  Is it all in the brain, as childhood’s neurons spark, carving channels through malleable tissue?  Then things stiffen, jell, until no emotions can move save perhaps an occasional discharge of anger or grief?

But then a morning when
the night before
Venus and Mars paraded across the heavens
this morning two more sparks, Jupiter, Saturn,
leading lights
heading into the West
until the sun drowns us all in light.

We have always wanted to go into the West.
How could we not with this stately
diurnal/nocturnal parade of light that moves
always, always into the West?

So we go into the West where the fountain of joy is,
and everywhere the flutter of wings,  restlessly waiting,
ducks, starlings, pigeons,
flowers of frost, the harbour calm as a bowl of milk,
distant ships that will never find the port I seek.
Gulls cry, cutting the morning apart.

 

MMV

Prednisone, your dangerous little friend.

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You wake up to find your house on fire.  Desperately you run from room to room but there is no way out.  When you think all is lost, when you are screaming for help which never comes, a stranger smashes down your door and hauls you to safety in the street.  The cool night air relieves your pain.  You have no clothes, no shoes, your house still burns.  But the stranger has thought of everything.  He hands you a bundle of things rescued from the flames, and soon you are ready for your journey, clothed, with even your watch, a hat, and the comforting feel of a fat wallet in your pocket.  You turn to thank your saviour but then you see it is not only your house which has burned but the whole city is ablaze.  Only the stranger knows a safe way through the conflagration so you are in his hands.

My name, he says, is Methyl/prednis/ol/one but you can call me Pred.  I am your friend.

Your dangerous, two-faced, necessary friend.

Soon after you start your escape together he points at your coat pocket and says, let me see your wallet.  And because he is strong and imposing and has saved your life you hand it to him.  Later he decides he fancies the coat itself, and later still you have to give up your belt, and then, although you need it against chill of winter or heat of sun, your hat.  Worse is when he takes your glasses and now the way becomes blurred.  You know you are near the outskirts of the city and hope you can shed this acquisitive companion but then you see that even the suburbs, and the countryside, are dotted with small fires.  As if to emphasize your need for him a cinder lands at your feet and as the debris underfoot flares up Pred stamps it out.  He’s with you for the long haul.

As you continue on your way time seems to change its nature.  You have to live each moment as it comes, not daring to look too far ahead, afraid of how long this unwanted unplanned journey will be before all the fires are left behind.  And every so often Pred asks for another item from you.  For a while you limp along with one shoe until he evens you out by taking the other.  But what good are shoes without socks, he says.  Soon you have nothing left, you are as naked as you were when you were pulled from the fire.  But you notice your companion seems less substantial now as though he is fading out of existence and you dare to look ahead.

There is a village nestled beside a lake.  You can walk down a hill to it, over a sward of soft, cool, green grass.  In the distance is the sea.

I’ll leave you now says Pred.  Although he is nearly transparent his voice is as strong as ever. Without a hint of irony he says, go rest in that place, get yourself a new suit of clothes, you’ll need it.  He notices you still have your watch.  I’ll have that off you, he demands.  And with it go all the days and months and years during which he was your thieving guide.

You walk away from him but turn to say goodbye.  He did save you, after all.  Just before he winks out of your life he says, his voice strong and real, maybe we’ll meet again some day.

 

Wanderer

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From an early age I visualized life as a path.  Why would that be?  It implies that everything is set out for me and I have only to walk along the prescribed route….  And yet, there have been crossroads, roads taken, others left unexplored.  Today I look at that thought: life is a path, and see that path dwindling, a narrow track leading into a bog, and eventually disappearing.

Sixty nine sun circlings have I seen

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Yesterday I think, was the first time I have not welcomed a birthday. But is it not better than having no birthday, not being here to feel fear of aging?  I think about the promising young man, damaged in an accident, who will not live the life he believed would be his.  I sorrow for the young woman who may not live to see her small children grow to independence.  The best, the only, service I can do for these and others is to rejoice in the fact of my existence.  I am here, still competent to see blossoms on trees, feel sun or  rain upon my skin, observe wasps amongst the raspberries, a dragonfly flitting, fleet as my life.  I am still here to watch starlings on the lawn or listen to the cry of seabirds riding in the ocean of air.  I am still here to smell fresh earth as life awakens in springtime, and the fragrance of lilacs or lilies.  This gesture to appreciate the life I have been blessed with is perhaps the only gift that I can bring to this world; a profound sense of gratitude that I am here, in this place, at this time, out of all the universe, a fragile moment carved out of eternity.